DKC Atlas Forum

[Jomingo]

Yo momma is godzilla's Momma!

[BlueTronic]

Godzilla's mama isn't ugly enough to be Yo mama!

[Tiptup Jr.]

Yo mama's too ugly to be Godzilla's mama!

[Jomingo]

You two both said the exact same thing. You get it from yo stupid mommas!

[Tiptup Jr.]

No, he said yo mama wasn't ugly enough. I said yo mama was too ugly. You probably didn't understand cuz of yo stupid mama.

[Jomingo]

No, he said that Godzilla's Momma wasn't ugly enough, and you said his momma was too ugly, which essentially implies the same thing. Somebody needs to slap yo stupid momma's for having you two!

[BlueTronic]

...

...Yo mama ate Godzilla!

[Jomingo]

I'm not sure if you are aware that you already said that on the last page. Yo momma.

[BlueTronic]

Of course I am. You were confusing me, so I tried to set the conversation back.

Yo mama so fat she ran Wait Watchers outta business.

[Jomingo]

Every time Yo Momma farts, she doubles the size of the hole in the Ozone layer!

[BlueTronic]

Yo mama so fat she can't even fart: all the exits got blocked.

[Jomingo]

Yo momma has a civilisation of small ecuadorian children living within the air bubbles of her fat.

[BlueTronic]

Yo mama so stupid she must be yo mama

[Jomingo]

Yo momma sat on a park bench and after a half an hour she entirely absorbed it into her fat.

[request dude]

Is this a kind of BIG joke between you 2 guys, or is it serious (sorry if I missed something, I wasnt going to read the 4 pages of comments )?
Well, Im not good with jokes, but let's try...

There were 3 guys, two named "Nobody", and one named "Retarded". One of the guys goes to the police office and says to the officer:
"Please, help. Nobody fell into a hole and nobody is helping him"
"Sorry, are you retarded or what?"
"Yeah, nice to meet you! And you are...?"

I suck, I know

[Jomingo]

Yes, you are. But at least your in the spirit.

Seriously, these 4 pages are worth the read. You can't write stuff this good!

Yo Momma?

[request dude]

...Yo Momma?

Seriouslly, not good with "Yo Momma" jokes, I like to be myself and make random jokes...
by the way, here is another one:

Two air ballons were flying through a desert (for example, the Sahara one), and one says to the other one:
"Be aware with the cactus!!!"
"What cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..."
(Know what I mean? )

[Jomingo]

No I don't. Care to explain.

[request dude]

You serious?
Never mind, is not a good one

Let me think another one... Here is another one:
1° Act: A burned cake
2° Act: A finger smashed while using a hammer
3° Act: A pregnant woman
What's the name of the play?
"They didnt take it out on time"

Dont know if it is a good one

[BlueTronic]

...Yo Momma?

Seriouslly, not good with "Yo Momma" jokes, I like to be myself and make random jokes...
by the way, here is another one:

Two air ballons were flying through a desert (for example, the Sahara one), and one says to the other one:
"Be aware with the cactus!!!"
"What cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..."
(Know what I mean? )

I did.

[request dude]

I did.

FINALLY!!! Someone who did

[BlueTronic]

Because i is a smart people.

(also, try not to quote big posts if they re right above you. this is a rule that a lot of new members miss, so its not enforced much on new members )

[request dude]

Sorry, didnt know . Thanks for advicing me

[Kiddy14]

<— This is my expression after reading RD's jokes.
Funny! XD Can't believe Jomingo couldn't understand them =P
(Los chistes de Actos me gustan más en Español =P)

[request dude]

(Los chistes de Actos me gustan más en Español =P)

A mi tambien ("Me too", for those who dont speak spanish)

Spoiler!

Lo que pasa es que como tenia que de alguna manera ponerlos aca porque eran muy buenos... No se me ocurrio otra forma que traducirlos.
Igual, tengo muchos mas que pienso traducir, pero no ahora, son las 12.22 AM y mañana tengo colegio!!!

[Kiddy14]

Spoiler!

Jeje, y orita son las 10 y media en mi zona =P Todavía tengo tiempo

Anyway, once I tried doing a lame joke, here it is:

Once there was a joke so funny, but so funny, but soooooo funny, that it wasn't hilarious.
(Nahhh! It sounds better in spanish xD)

[BlueTronic]

How do you say yo mama in spanish?

[Kiddy14]

Tu mamá xD As far as I know, there's no "Yo mama" version in Spanish, all you say is "Your mom..."

[Jomingo]

(Los chistes de Actos me gustan más en Español =P)

Tu Mama es Azul Manzana?


^I can pronounce this right, but I doubt I'm spelling it right.

[Kiddy14]

Tu Mama es Azul Manzana?

What's up with you and blue apples? =P

[Tiptup Jr.]

I got a good one!

Okay, so there's three guys on a plane. One's from Canada, one's from Mexico, and one's from Germany. When the plane passes over Canada, the Canadian guy throws a leaf out the window. When asked why he did this, he said, "Because I love my country!" When the plane passed over Mexico, the Mexican guy dropped a jalapeno out the window. When asked why he did this, he said, "Because I love my country!" When the plane passed over Germany, the German guy threw a bomb out the window. When asked why he did this, he said, "Because I hate my country!"

When the Canadian guy got home, he saw a little girl crying. When he asked her what was wrong, she said "I was just riding my bike, and a leaf fell on my face and I crashed." When the Mexican guy got home, he saw a little girl crying. When he asked her what was wrong, she said, "A jalapeno hit me on the head!" When the German guy got home, he saw a boy standing there laughing his head off. When he asked why he was laughing, he said, "I just farted and the building behind me exploded!"

Ha ha.

[Jomingo]

I've heard that one, but it was slightly different. Still a good one though.

[request dude]

Hey Tiptup, nice one!!! Here we have A LOT of that kind of jokes, but Im too lazy to translate them
Maybe other day, now I have to study for tomorrow: Im having a philosophy test

[Jomingo]

Here? Translation? Where are you from?

[request dude]

From Argentina (pretty far, dont you think ), and where are you from?

[Jomingo]

Can't you see on my profile? I'm from Krypton!

Just kidding, I'm from Michigan, United States. Argentina, eh? Is that on the west side of South America? Or am I confusing it with Chile?


So...Jokes....Well, Chuck Norris doesn't produce sperm. Only tiny white ninja's with one objective, "Search and Destroy!"

[Kiddy14]

Argentina is to the right from Chile =P

Anyway, Chuck Norris Facts eh? I've seen some from GTA or Street Fighter, but non from DKC, it would be cool to have some like:

"Chuck Norris can play DKC 101% while having the Kongs split-up, with 0 lifes and using all the warps"
or
"Once Donkey Kong made a deal with Chuck Norris to beat level 22 of his arcade, since then, he is called Cranky Kong"

Or I don't know =P I just did these in like 5 minutes.

[Jomingo]

I like that last one.

How about, "Chuck norris got 101% after level one. The game didn't want anymore beatings."

[Kiddy14]

"Chuck norris got 101% after level one. The game didn't want anymore beatings."

I can imagine Chuck killing Butterflies with DK's handslap =P

[Cody]

I read something a while ago that made me laugh enough to want to try it myself (my story is below):

The bathrooms section at my local K-Mart is found through a small hallway-like tunnel thing near the Layaway section. Earlier today, I entered the bathroom with the intention of using it, but decided to have a little bit of fun.

When I entered said bathroom, I immediately smelt something rather sickening and quickly realized that it was coming one of the bathroom stalls. I noticed some shoes underneath the stall and with the occasional grunt, it appeared that he was apparently going to take a while to finish what he was trying to do. I waited until it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop (aside from the occasional "kerplump" sound of a solid hitting the water) and when the time was right, I did something that made me laugh for a loooong time afterwards.

I forcibly rammed my body into the side of the stall while screaming at the top of my lungs. I don't think that guy's ever been as scared as he was in his life at that time as he screamed "WHAT THE f---?!" and started yelling out other cuss words. He stood up and was probably going to chase me out but I ran out of the bathroom before he unlocked the door.

I laughed for a good 20 minutes afterwards and everyone I've told the story to thus far thinks it's absolutely hilarious.

[Jomingo]

Hahaha! That sounds hilarious! It would have been even funnier if the guy chased you down the aisles with his trousers at his feet!

[BlueTronic]

Something funny that happened yesterday at my school when they gave away a Wii:

Teacher: The Wii is going a student who is short...
Everyone: Keagan!!
Teacher: ...Has good grades...
Everyone: Keagan!!
Teacher: ...is really cute...
Gay student: Keagan!

[request dude]

xD!!!! Too funny... but you really have a gay student
I wouldnt imagine something like that, poor guy, he must be the centre of all the jokes (I suppose)

[Cody]

I know a few gay kids....nobody makes fun of them, though.

[Jomingo]

There are several gay kids at my school. They don't admit it, but it's painfully obvious to everyone around them.


So...how about them Jokes?

[BlueTronic]

xD!!!! Too funny... but you really have a gay student
I wouldnt imagine something like that, poor guy, he must be the centre of all the jokes (I suppose)

Yes we do and he makes it very obvious. He once sent another guy a valentine, and he even tried unsuccessfully to go into the girls' bathroom. He is the only gay student, and is the centre of the gay jokes.

[Tiptup Jr.]

So, how 'bout that bush? I hear it's pretty evil. Evil enough for... MURDER!

Craig Ferguson is one of the greatest comedians who ever lived.

[BlueTronic]

Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the sugar bowl.

[Kiddy14]

I heard this one a couple of minutes ago!

There was once a chicken that breath with his legs; one day he put them in water, and he drown

Aww... it isn't as funny as it is in spanish, maybe if somebody told me how to say "charco" in English, Google tells me it's pool, so...

[DKCplayer]

I love this one!
This is a joke you can play on others:

You: I can make you say 21!
Guy: Okay.
You: What's 30+1?
Guy: 31.
You: HA! Made you say it!
Guy: But you said 21!
You: Gotcha.

Sometimes it doesn't work...