"Kunning!" Klank said, barging in.
"What is it this time? Can't you see I'm busy here? This is sensitive equipment I'm handling here!" Kunning said.
"You're not busy, Kunning. They're just a kouple of beakers you're pouring with your gloved hands," said Klank, accidentally bumping into Kunning.
"Klank!" Kunning said, dashing away to get a different set of beakers.
The two beakers that Kunning previously was holding crashed to the floor. Glass shot across the room. An acrid, burning smell started to rise.
"What's that bad smell koming from?" asked Klank.
"It's the superacid!" Kunning yelled, panicking.
Klank realized that below his feet, there was a hole shaped like the spill. And the hole was steadily burrowing down. Below the concrete, below the bedrock, below everything, below sight. Kunning was hastily pouring vials together. Kunning ran over to the contamination site and frantically poured the solution into the rapidly (supposedly) deepening chasm.
"That should do it," said Kunning.
The abyssal chasm disappeared, and the ground regenerated. It looked like there was no difference in the concrete.
"What was that?" Klank asked, "Speciality mining equipment?"
"Compound 1080," said Kunning.
"Why is it kalled that?" asked Klank.
"It's classified," said Kunning.
"Oh, really," said Klank.
"It actually is classified," said Kunning.
"So you kan't tell me what it does?" asked Klank.
"Are you really asking me that question, Krash?" asked Kunning.
"Why are you kalling me that?" asked Klank, "You know what my name is."
"It's my new nickname for you," said Kunning, "And by the way, it is a superacid."
"Hmm, I think I like that name," said Klank.
"Well, you have to. It's the only name you're getting," said Kunning as he walked off.
"Maybe I kan skare the bejesus out of Donkey Kong one of these days, though. He sure is afraid of Krash!" said Klank with a grin.
...
"That was a pretty ice cave," Dixie said blissfully.
"Beautiful, I think you mean. It was amazing! The name, Crystal Cave, doesn't do it homage at all!" said Diddy.
"I'm really happy there was no ice water to go along with it, though. But then there was the underwater level following it! Enguarde was hidden in the entrance! Of all things!" said Dixie.
"It was very sneaky," said Diddy.
"Sneakier than a Sneek?" asked Dixie.
"Doubtful," said Diddy.
"But how sneaky is a Sneek, anyway?" asked Dixie, "They make a squeaking sound that you can hear from a mile away!"
"But Sneeks are very sneeky!" said Diddy.
"What?" asked Dixie, scratching her head.
"Does it help that Neeks are very neeky?" asked Diddy.
"Ah! S-n-e-e-k-y!" said Dixie.
A signpost loomed up ahead. Icicles were hanging off of it. And the majority of the sign was covered with frozen snow. Dixie breathed on the signpost with her warm breath. As if to show how frigid it was, her breath was visible. But as Dixie expected, it did not manage to thaw one bit. Around them, the plants were frozen and had hoarfrost hanging from them. Diddy ran his hand across the signpost with his hands. It refused to come into focus. A "P" showed up, and then an "E".
"Brr! It'd be nice if I had some gloves," said Diddy, "I might be able to clean the sign! And it's very cold."
Diddy rubbed his hands together.
Dixie, who had gloves given to her by Wrinkly, said, "I'm not using my gloves! Most likely, they would freeze to the sign. Besides, they don't offer much warmth. Wrinkly gave me a pair of wool mittens and silk gloves, but I lost the first pair. Wrinkly shouldn't have given me these. They are completely useless, Diddy," said Dixie.
"I can bet!" said Diddy.
Diddy rubbed his hands together some more.
"But at least they offer some, Dixie. I would think that they are better than nothing," said Diddy.
"I guess you are right, Diddy," said Dixie.
"Look, Dixie! A light!" said Diddy.
"Where?" asked Dixie.
"There!" said Diddy as he pointed behind Dixie.
A lantern light bobbed in the distance. Diddy and Dixie could barely see it. That was because of the bitter, arctic winds blowing everything askew. The raging, blinding, white snow that enveloped their surroundings didn't help. It was the worst kind of blizzard, no doubt. The bobbing light went out.
"Oh, Klaptrap!" yelled a hoarse voice in the distance.
"Who do you think that is?" asked Dixie.
"Now I'll have to rekindle it! And, of course, I left my tinderbox as well! Of all the things I've forgotten today, this is the worst!" said the husky, coarse voice, "Well, I'll have to do without. It's mandatory to investigate any disturbance."
"I suppose we are the disturbance," said Diddy, "But I wonder what set it off."
"Maybe there was a pressure plate surrounding the sign," offered Dixie.
"Possibly," said Diddy, "But if that's true, then he sure gets a lot of false alarms."
"Who would be up in this blizzard?" asked Dixie.
"Maybe he doesn't get as many as I thought," said Diddy.
"The question is, should we hide," said Dixie.
"Of all the days! The flurry isn't that bad, but it's freezing! Even for here. But it's the procedure. And I can't break them after following them for all these years. And anyway, it's the code," said the voice.
"It's probably more like a set of guidelines. People just can't tell the difference. But should we hide, Diddy?" asked Dixie.
"I think not. Especially since there isn't anywhere to hide," said Diddy.
"The blizzard doesn't count?" asked Dixie.
"Ah! Good one," said Diddy, "Maybe we should quiet down so that we can sneak up on him."
"Uh, BOO!" said the voice.
Diddy and Dixie jumped clear up into the air.
"A couple of kremlings, eh? Well, I can't let you pass," said the voice.
"We're a couple of kongs!"
"Then why didn't you say so!" said the voice.
"You didn't give us time!" said Dixie over the blasting winds.
The voice which had just materialized out of the storm turned from a stern frown to a grin. The old bear's beard and mustache were pure white. But that might have been amplified by the snow. His beard had icicles hanging from it, but his eyes were warm as burning coals. But his eyes weren't unfriendly.
"I'd like to help you, but I need to know your business," said the wizened bear.
"Are you one of the Brothers Bear?" asked Dixie.
"No. But I am one of that species!" said the bear with a gravelly laugh, "Is your business good or bad?"
"We are heading to destroy K.rool!" said Diddy.
"That crazed crocodilian nut?! I'd like to see him given a good thrashing again! It's been a while since he's had one!" said the bear, "But if that's all, I would be happy to give you food and shelter! So many kremlings have passed through here, and we've had to amp up our security!" said the old bear.
"We've? What do you mean?" asked Dixie.
"Well, Bramble keeps the beacon! Over there on the peak of Fanuilos! I don't understand how she keeps all of her plants warm enough! Some of them are of the tropical variety you see. And she doesn't have a greenhouse. Not that I know of, at least. Katastrophe Kong keeps the lamppost. On the peak of Celebdil, way over there! And I keep the lighthouse! If you don't know, this is the peak of Zirag-Zigil!" said the bear.
"What's your name?" asked Diddy.
"Cantankerous! What's yours?" asked Cantankerous.
"Diddy," said Diddy.
"Dixie. But isn't that a bit odd for a bear?" asked Dixie.
"Is it a crime to be named something else than a name that starts with a B?" asked Cantankerous, chuckling.
"No, I just assumed that it was sort of an unspoken rule. I meant no offense," said Dixie.
"None taken. Silly bears, my parents were. We were so isolated it didn't matter. My name was based on the first word I said! My first word was, 'Hmmpf!'," said Cantankerous.
Cantankerous started heading in the direction he had come from. Dixie and Diddy naturally followed him.
"So, is it an actual lighthouse?" asked Diddy.
"It used to be! My dad used to light it every night! Since then, it's been broken!" said Cantankerous.
"Do you live there?" asked Dixie.
"Of course!" said Cantankerous.
"Do you know what the frosty sign says?" asked Diddy.
"It's the name of the level," said Cantankerous, "Some people call it Lemguin Luge, but the rest of us call it Penguin Panic."
"Who would be panicking? Us? Or the kremlings?" asked Diddy.
"Well, because it's you two, the infamous Dixie and Diddy, it'd be the kremlings that be panicking!" said Cantankerous.
"That's good news," said Diddy smiling.
"Here we are!" said Cantankerous.
...
"Ok, pay poor tax of $15!" said Krook.
He wrote down -15 to his total of 130. He ended up with 125.
"That's 15 less for you, Kaboing!" said Krook.
"Wait till you see this kard, Krook!" said Kaboing, "It's a doozy!"
Kaboing laid down a pay $150 card.
"You're right! I'm below $0 now! I'm at -$25!" said Krook.
"Do I win yet?" asked Kaboing, "How much money do I have left?"
"85 dollars. I've got a good kard! Kollekt 200 dollars!" said Krook.
"What does that put you at?" asked Kaboing.
"165 dollars!" I think I've got you in the bag!" said Krook excitedly.
"Here's my last kard! Kollekt 40 dollars for the sale of stock!" said Kaboing.
"Oh, kome on!" said Krook.
Krook laid down his last card. Pay 50 dollars to each player
"I win!" said Kaboing, "165 minus 25 equals 140! 85 minus 50 equals 300!"
"I think you've got it horribly mixed up, Kaboing. You win, but the final skore is 125-115. You win!" said Krook.
"This is a fun game!" said Kaboing.
"I think you only think that bekause you won, Kaboing," said Krook.
"Maybe, Krook. I think it's time to report for sentry duty," said Kaboin.
"Oh, kome on, Kaboing. It's horribly boring. We're supposed to watch out for kongs, and none ever kome! Everyone tells us that the next kong attack is always imminent! But there hasn't been even a single one!" said Krook.
"I think all of the kongs have fled," said Kaboing.
"I wish we kould just march into battle and wage war on the kongs!" said Krook.
"We kould ask the division commander to do that," said Kaboing.
"And he'd do that?!" said Krook, "I don't think so."
"Might as well ask," said Kaboing.
"Where are you going?" asked Krook.
"I'm going to find Re-Koil! He always knows where stuff is!" said Kaboing.
"Kome back, Kaboing! You're going to get yourself killed!" said Krook.
"Re-Koil says that he isn't as stern as that," said Kaboing.
"Well, Re-Koil is misinformed!" said Krook, "No one has ever returned from an audience with him!"
"That's bekause no one has requested an audience with him, Krook!" said Kaboing.
"Of all the hare-brained ideas Kaboing had, this is the worst. I'm not going to follow him, though," Krook said to himself, "He got himself into this pikkle, and he's going to get himself out of it."
...
"Here we are!" said Cantankerous.
He opened the door, and when the two of them had entered the warm building, he shut the door sealing the icy wind out.
"Warm up in front of the hearth!" said Cantankerous tossing his soaked hat in front of the fire and plopped down in his reclining chair.
He turned on the tv, and Jeopardy turned on.
"Give me a second to see the results! Then you tell me the whole story!" said Cantankerous.
"And Matt Amodio wins the 38th Tournament of Champions!" said Alex Trebek.
"I knew it!" said Cantankerous.
He turned off the tv.
"This is a great thing! Finally, this proves that he's better than Amy Schneider!" said Cantankerous.
Diddy and Dixie were toasty in front of the hearth. When Cantankerous called them over to tell him their story. Dixie came over, but Diddy did not. He had fallen asleep.
"Poor guy! All tuckered out!" said Cantankerous.
"I'll tell our story by myself then," said Dixie.
"One more thing, you may be curious. My family has not always managed the Lighthouse. There was a bear named Desmond who kept the light lit every night. He was the person who was here before us.
...
Tiny had been in her cell for a week. Starving for a week. Kunning had brought her food, but she had refused to eat it. She assumed it was poisoned. At this point, she was not willing to die to keep K.rool's secrets.
"Kunning! I'm ready to talk!" said Tiny.
"Remember? It's me? But I'd assume that you finally got your binds off? I'll warn Kunning to enter with trepidation," said the kremling.
There were sounds of footsteps that were receding, so Tiny took it as he was leaving. When two sets of footsteps came back, the door unlocked.
"So I take it that you're ready to talk?" asked Kunning.
"Don't rub it in," Tiny said.
"I won't. Now tell me, how did you escape from that kremling meeting where you were slated for execution?" asked Kunning.
...
"You can roll through them?" asked Dixie as she watched Diddy roll through a lemguin.
"Of course! Isn't that obvious!" said Diddy.
"How did you figure that out?" asked Dixie.
"Kiddy told me. I didn't just take a chance like that," said Diddy.
Diddy rubbed his hands together.
"This sure beats having no gloves at all!" said Diddy, "Cantankerous was awfully generous giving us these thick, woolen gloves!"
"They're much better than the pair Wrinkly gave me. Much more utilitarian," said Dixie.
"Nice word!" said Diddy.
"I say it all the time," said Dixie.
Diddy raised an eyebrow.
"Anyway, one thing that's been bugging me, Diddy, is how Bramble grows her plants in the Misty Mountains. She can't fit them all in her house. So how does she do it?" asked Dixie.
"A greenhouse?" Diddy said.
"I don't think so. Greenhouses take warm air out of the air. In these temperatures, there is not enough!" said Dixie.
"Well, then I'm stumped," said Diddy, "Wait, how about a cold frame?"
"That generates even less heat!" said Dixie, "Nope."
"Maybe she has fewer plants than she used to," Diddy said.
"Maybe you're right," said Dixie.
"Penguin Panic starts here," said Diddy pointing to the sign, "What does that mean?"
"That sign could signify the start of the level. Or be a joke," said Dixie.
The two apes looked around. They saw nothing. And there was certainly nothing that they should be panicking about.
"Should we proceed?" asked Diddy.
"I suppose so," said Dixie.
"Maybe the danger hasn't spawned yet? That would sort of make sense," said Diddy.
"I think we can deal with anything that comes," said Dixie.
"We can?" Diddy said, laughing.
"Of course!" said Dixie taking a step forward.
"I'll follow you then," said Diddy slapping Dixie in.
Dixie started walking forward. As she walked uphill, she started slipping and sliding.
"It's way more slippery than before! It's like the kremlings polished this smooth," said Diddy.
Suddenly, lemguins in the hundreds started diving down the slope.
"It was a trap! What do we do?!" exclaimed Diddy with fright.
Dixie looked around. Everywhere around them, lemguins were sliding at high speeds toward them. But a toboggan was at their right.
"That couldn't have been there before," said Dixie.
"What wasn't?" Diddy said.
"That sled," said Dixie.
"That must be our way out!" Diddy said.
"Against this threat! It can't be nearly fast enough!" said Dixie.
"Then it's my escape!" said Diddy, his voice clear with excitement.
"What? Diddy! Where are you going?" asked Dixie.
"Out of here!" said Diddy.
Diddy hopped in and looked behind him at Dixie. The sled seemingly was waiting for Dixie, as it set off as soon as she jumped into it directly in front of Diddy. The sled mechanically twisted and started charging the lemguins.
"What?" Diddy said, "You're going the wrong way, sled!"
The sled obviously didn't care. As it was barreling towards the lemguins, it now did the opposite of Diddy's well-meaning advice. It accelerated.
"Turn about! You're going to get smashed by lemguins like a ship on rocks!" yelled Diddy.
"I don't think the sled can hear you, Diddy," said Dixie.
Dixie, in fact, was enjoying herself.
"...Smashed to pulp...Completely decimated..." Diddy said.
Or at least that's what Dixie heard.
"Turn around!" yelled a lemguin.
"Out of the frying pan! And into the fire!" yelled another Lemguin.
Diddy picked up on the hints.
"What are you fleeing from?" asked Diddy.
"Mr. X!" said a third lemguin.
"And a krazy, sleep-deprived snowman!" said a fourth.
...
"Kunning, this is the box. What are you planning to do with that thingamajig that you're holding? I don't think it kan open the box for you. I kan have some kremlings unwrap it for you," said Klank.
"I'm using this device to see if it contains a bomb or any other explosive device. In other words, this could be a massive device set to blow up the entirety of Kremkroc Industries in one go," said Kunning.
"A bomb?!" Klank said.
"I'm thinking the best way to have the bomb trigger is to use a photovoltaic sensor. That way, the bomb only triggers when the sensor is exposed to light. Klank, where did you go?" asked Kunning.
"He went that away," said Klomp who was guarding the door.
"Where was he heading?" Kunning asked.
"I don't know, Kunning," said Klomp, "It probably had something to do with your birthday present."
"How did you know it was my birthday?" asked Kunning.
"Lucky guess. I think that Klank is probably getting something to identify what it is," said Klomp.
"Klomp, I'll have you walk away. I'm going to laser a hole in the box to see if I can identify the components. The results were inconclusive. I was able to identify that it was probably a machine. It's made of metal. I just can't tell if it's a bomb," said Kunning.
"I'm going to stick around with you," said Klomp, "If that thing goes off, I don't stand a chance no matter where I am," said Klomp.
"Ok, just be careful," said Kunning.
Kunning used his portable laser to remove part of the packaging.
"It's made of metal. As expected. I'm going to look closer," Kunning said, "There's an electrical panel here."
Suddenly, the loudspeakers around Kremkroc started blaring a warning.
"KODE PURPLE! TOXIK WASTE ABOUNDS!"
Then Klank's voice rang out.
"It's not kode purple! It's kode orange! Nuklear threat!" said Klank.
"Sorry. KODE ORANGE! BOMB SKARE AT FACILITIES! FULL EVAKUATION MANDATORY!"
A general pandemonium started to arouse outside of the building. Typical signs of pandemonium started to run by windows as well. People were running, wheeling carts, etcetera.
"This is bad," said Kunning.
"I FORGOT! REMAIN KALM!" said Kalculator, who was operating the loudspeakers, "Did I forget anything, Klank?"
"I think you're good," said Klank, "Since I am the highest ranking here excepting Kunning, I'm going to hit the button to put Kunning's office and laboratory underground in a bunker encasement."
"Klank, are Konstrukt and Skholar gone?" asked Kalculator.
"They're on different missions. I think Konstrukt is over in K.rool Kaves. If I remember korrektly, Skholar is on some sort of black-ops mission," said Klank.
"And now you're going to want me to tell you the kode to initiate that emergency protokol to bunkerize Kunning's stuff," said Kalculator.
"I forgot! What's the kode?" asked Klank.
"8-4-9-3-2-1-5-7-3-4-6-2-3-9-0-2-5-9-4-0," said Kalculator.
"Thanks!" said Klank.
"Kalculator should really remember to turn off the loudspeakers. Klomp, that was classified information," said Kunning, "Forget it."
"Sir, I stopped listening as soon as I heard he was going to say the kode," said Klomp.
"Good," said Kunning, "I'm going to have quite a mess to clean up."
Hours later, after the entirety of Kremkroc had emptied except for Kunning and Klomp. And after Kunning and Klomp got everyone back, Kunning almost died by stepping into nothingness instead of his office which was five miles below. And after Kunning had got his office reorganized. Kunning received a call.
"K.rool! How are you doing on this fine day!" asked Kunning.
"Great! Did you get your birthday present?" asked K.rool.
"Oh, you mean the bomb scare?" asked Kunning sarcastically.
"Oh! That! I heard about that! I hope it wasn't too diffikult to reorganize," said K.rool.
"Oh, it wasn't," Kunning said, still sarcastic.
"Kunning, I'm sorry," said K.rool, "I should've sent word ahead of time. Instead of leaving a forty-foot package at your front door."
"You know what, K.rool, I believe that is the first time I have ever heard you apologize. Thank you. And by the way, it was forty-one feet," said Kunning.
"It was?" K.rool said, "Did you aktually open it?"
"Way after the fact. I'm not the one who thought it was a bomb, K.rool, just so you know. Thanks for giving me KAOS," said Kunning.
"No problem! It was the least I kould do! I figured that you kould fix up KAOS and make some improvements," said K.rool.
"Thanks for the thought," said Kunning.
"Just so you know," K.rool said, "I would like to test out KAOS when you're done with him."
"Sure!" said Kunning.
...
"Kleever!" Mr. X thundered.
"Arf! Arf! Yip! Yip! What is it, boss?" Kleever said, zooming over to Mr. X's seat.
"Shut up, you fool."
"Awoo!" said Kleever dismally.
"Send a message to Kunning that says this. I quit! I am ready to akkept your offer, Kunning! I am tired of K.rool. He promised me absolute viktory! This is a long fall from when I was the leader in the great war. He promised me komplete triumph with the armies he provided to me. K.rool provided me with losers. My army is destroyed, K.rool despises me, I have been beaten, and K.rool has failed me," said Mr. X.
"Got it, boss!" said Kleever.
...
Kunning woke up in the middle of the night. He found himself at his desk. In front of him was the machine he had been working on before he fell asleep. He'd been dreaming of Cranky taking on Klubba. Klubba had had ice molded into the shape of boxing gloves as boxing gloves, and Cranky had been tossing animal buddy barrels at Klubba. Neither side had really made any headway by the time he had woken up.
"I'd assume, that in the end, Cranky would certainly lose in real life," said Kunning.
Kunning now turned his thoughts to what woke him.
"What woke me up? Surely, it couldn't be that crazy cat clawing at the door again," Kunning said putting on his nightcap.
It came again. Three short furious knocks. This was followed by long heaving pounds on the door.
"Who is it at this hour?" Kunning asked himself.
Kunning cleared his throat. And then he turned on the overhead light and switched off the lamp that had been on previously.
"Who is it?" asked Kunning, "Be it kong or kremling stop your banging! You're about to rouse the whole neighborhood! I'm coming as fast as I can!"
"It's neither! It's me, Konstrukt! I wasn't the one knocking, though. It was this Klinger and Kutlass!" said Konstrukt.
"Kunning, if you don't know, Konstrukt is a turtle!" said Kutlass.
"I think I know that," said Kunning chuckling.
"Sorry for the damage I did to your door, sir," said Kutlass.
"It was due for repair anyway," said Kunning.
"Since when?" said Konstrukt.
"Oh," said Kunning, "Since yesterday."
"Is that cat back?" asked Konstrukt.
"No," said Kunning, "It was the other Kutlass that came over."
"There was another one that inflicted damage to your door?" asked Konstrukt.
"Konstrukt," Kunning said, "Don't worry about it."
Kunning opened up the door and examined the slash marks.
"It covers up perfectly what the other Kutlass did!" said Kunning.
Konstrukt, Klinger, and Kutlass walked in. Kunning motioned for them to sit on the couch.
"So, what's the problem?" asked Kunning.
"I can't tell you the problem, Kunning. These two fellers pounded on my door and told me there was an emergency. They then said that Kunning needed to know about it at once. I suggested to them to tell me what was the matter first, and if necessary, relay the matter to you," said Konstrukt.
"Sorry, sir, for waking you up in the middle of the night," said Klinger.
"Don't worry about it! I'm not offended. You did the right thing! But I have no doubt that Konstrukt could resolve this issue by himself. Whatever it is," said Kunning.
"We were patrolling your experimental bonus rooms. And on one rotation, they were all stars. The next time round, they had turned into Khristmas ornaments!" said Kutlass.
"What did we mess up? Please don't kill us!" said Klinger.
Kunning started to laugh. And it was a while until they were able to get anything else out of him.
"First of all, why would I kill you? I'm not K.rool," said Kunning, "The sekond is, why would I kill loyal kremlings?"
"I think someone pulled a prank. It's Dekember 1st. Isn't that Dekember fool's day?" asked Konstrukt.
"I have no idea," said Kunning, "But I was planning to experiment with that kheat kodes. It seems that someone beat me to it!"
"Weren't you planning to do the same thing on Christmas?" asked Konstrukt.
"Maybe I was," said Kunning, "Konstrukt, I haven't heard from Skholar recently. Have you heard from him? I heard that he was actively working on the animal barrels experiment. That, and the Compound 1080 experiment."
"I haven't heard from him for a while, Kunning," said Konstrukt, "But the last time I saw him, he said that the animal barrel experiment was going well. Oh! He did say that he found an interesting phenomenon with the Compound 1080 experiment. Something he wanted to show you. Something about your specialty mining equipment not being able to incinerate some kinds of minerals. This could be potentially helpful to save some items from destruction."
"I'll check in with Skholar in the morning. Many thanks for the updates, Konstrukt," said Kunning.
"You're welcome," said Konstrukt.
"If you three don't mind, I'm going to head back to sleep," said Kunning.
"Fine by me!" said Konstrukt, "Later, Kunning!"
Konstrukt hopped on his hoverboard and flew out the door. Kutlass and Klinger followed. Before any of them were clear of the door, a buzzing sound arose.
"What's that?" asked Klinger.
"A red alert by the sound of it," said Konstrukt.
"You're right, Konstrukt. I was going for a purple alert. Which is toxic chemicals, but it sounds more like a red alert," said Kunning.
"What do you think it's about?" asked Konstrukt.
"In my opinion, the most likely cause is that K.rool has set off a national alert. This is probably because of Minkey allying with Manky Kong, and Swoopy changing to the kongs side," said Kunning.
"Or maybe something has happened within Kremkroc," said Konstrukt.
"Just as likely," said Kunning.
"If you're right, Kunning, K.rool didn't need to send out a national alert," said Konstrukt.
"Of course, he didn't! But when has K.rool ever been reasonable?" asked Kunning.
"Never," said Konstrukt, "Kunning, as the administrator of the facilities, it's your responsibility to figure out the cause."
"Too bad! And just when I was going to sleep!" said Kunning.
When Kunning had reached his main office, he picked up the walkie-talkie off the desk. He turned to K.rool's channel, and K.rool's voice started coming out of it.
"Kunning! Are you there? Pick up!" said K.rool.
"I'm here, K.rool! What's the issue?" asked Kunning, "Please tell me you turned down the sirens above your office."
"I didn't," said K.rool, "I moved offices! I put that Kuchuka that insulted me the other day in there. Serves him right! He thought he kould spite me the other day."
"Is he ok?" asked Kunning, "I wouldn't be surprised if he has long-term hearing loss."
"Also, the air-raid siren kaught on fire!" said K.rool.
"It what?" asked Kunning.
"It ignited!" K.rool said.
"I knew what you said. I just didn't understand. How did it catch on fire," asked Kunning.
"The arson inspektor said that he'd inspekt it in the morning. Kurrently, a team of kremlings is working to put it out. The real reason I set off the alarm was that Mr. X has been defeated by the kongs!" said K.rool.
"Along with his dragon?!" said Kunning.
"And Kleever as well," said K.rool.
"This is a devastating blow! I assumed that the kongs would've taken a break before pushing into the Misty Mountains. It's a fool's errand to traverse those desolate peaks in the winter. But they did it. And I think it's quite a feat!" said Kunning.
"Well, they did! I should've paid more attention to Bleak! He warned me that the kongs passed through Lemguin Luge and were koming for Mr. X! But I haven't believed that snowman ever since he said that he had almost defeated the kongs, killed them I mean, and he said that they had just vanished! And they had beaten him! I thought he had gone nuts! Maybe he had some sort of temporary insanity. I should start trusting him more. He's been right about two krucial pieces of information now!" said K.rool.
"I've been investigating that mystery ever since it happened. The best I can do at explaining it is that they paused the stage as soon as they were kicked out for the death penalty. The game probably registered something along the lines of a start+select and considered the stage beaten," said Kunning, "Does that help?"
"If anything it makes it even more konfusing," said K.rool.
"I suppose that it's one of life's great mysteries," Kunning said, "What happened to the dragon?"
"The dragon? Glaurung? At least, that's what I think his name is. He sent me a message from Mr. X. The letter explained that Mr. X and his stronghold were being overrun. I sent a zinger to survey the site a few hours after Glaurung left. It was ransacked. Burning to a krisp. Zinger almost passed out in the air from the smoke koncentration. The images that he kollekted made it look like it got nuked! If Glaurung hadn't sent a message, we'd not know for a while!" said K.rool.
"Did someone say my name?" asked a gigantic eye in front of K.rool's window.
"No, Chrysophylax, I didn't!" said K.rool sounding thoroughly annoyed.
"Who's that?" asked Kunning.
"Nobody," said K.rool.
"I swear I heard someone say my name!" said Chrysophylax.
"For the last time! Stop bugging me!" said K.rool.
"If that's your mood. I'll leave," said Chrysophylax.
"What's the story with him?" asked Kunning.
"The dragon? His best friend, some Farmer Giles of Ham, died. He's been wandering since," said K.rool.
K.rool looked around the room for something to chat about.
"Did you hear about the Minkeys and Swoopies?" asked K.rool.
"Yes, I did," said Kunning.
"These are the first desertions," said K.rool.
"I don't think they are desertions is the right word," said Kunning.
"Turnkoats, then? These are the first turnkoats since the Kremean War," said K.rool.
"You're forgetting Manky Kong," said Kunning.
"I deliberately left him out. Bekause he is the perpetrator of all of this rebellious nonsense," said K.rool.
"And Rattly," said Kunning.
"Him, I did forget," said K.rool.
"K.rool, I think everyone has gotten the point. Could you turn off the national emergency alarm?" asked Kunning, "It's bothering everyone."
"Krimp! Tell the operators of the sirens to turn it off!" said K.rool.
"Arf Arf! Got it, Kaptain! Awoo!" said Krimp.
"Since when have Krimps acted like dogs?" asked Kunning.
"Since now," said K.rool, "Some nutter of a Kobble kame up with the idea."
"One more question, K.rool, while I have you on the line, you kidnapped her and didn't tell me if she was safe," said Kunning.
"Who's she?"
"You know who I'm talking about. The Queen of the Banana Goldus Flutteruses. Flutteruses? Flutterusi? Flutterui? Flutteri? What's the plural?" asked Kunning.
"Who again?" asked K.rool, quite innocuously.
"The Queen of the Banana Birds," said Kunning through gritted teeth, "K.rool, this is not an encrypted connection. You should be careful what you say here."
"Fair enough. But, oh! That! I have several kremlings aktively monitoring her. Her behavior is kurrently very abnormal kompared to that dokument you gave us," said K.rool.
"Which would explain the random weather and the F5 tornadoes spawning instantaneously around DK Island," said Kunning.
"Did she kause it?" asked K.rool.
"No, but the source of her power, the heart of Terra Incognita, is being tampered with," said Kunning.
"By who?" asked K.rool.
"It confirms my suspicions that Krusha is actively manipulating the output. Among other things," said Kunning
"I thought your scientists were in kontrol of that area?" asked K.rool.
"Krusha evicted them and invaded Terra Incognita a long time ago," said Kunning.
"This sounds bad," said K.rool.
"I expected worse," said Kunning.
"Like what?" asked K.rool.
"Landslides, hurricanes, massive climate shifts, earthquakes, among other things," said Kunning, "But we were lucky."
"It still sounds bad," said K.rool.
"It is bad," said Kunning.
"The worst thing is that Mr. X has been defeated. One of the four pillars of the Kremling Empire has been toppled!" said K.rool.
"That's what you're calling it now?" asked Kunning.
"Yes. What else would you kall it?" asked K.rool.
"I don't know," said Kunning.
"This is all the more reason to wage an all-out war with the kongs! No more waiting for them to chip away at us!" said K.rool.
"I still insist that once you kidnap the rest of the kongs and hold them hostage. Undoubtedly, they will submit as soon as that happens!" said Kunning.
"What about the banana hoards?" asked K.rool.
"I heard that the last ones are hidden behind waterfalls," said Kunning.
"That narrows things down a bit," said K.rool.
"The Kongs have had several banana hoards ever since you stole them. They're all behind waterfalls! Anyway, when's the last time you've heard from the ships that headed to the Kongo Jungle?" asked Kunning.
"Like never! I should resolve that! I've got to go!" said K.rool.
"Ok, goodbye," said Kunning.
"Bye!" said K.rool.
Kunning turned around and saw that Skholar was sitting in front of his desk. Skholar was apparently attempting to juggle thirty to forty multi-colored balls. It was not working.
"Kunning! My formula for juggling should allow me to juggle thirty-two balls at once! It's not working!" said Skholar.
"You just need more practice," said Kunning.
"But I was waiting for you to finish. Here, look at this," Skholar said as he handed Kunning a lump of rock.
Kunning weighed it with his hand. Based on its weightiness of it, combined with its color and properties, Kunning concluded it was gold.
"This is pure gold, isn't it?" asked Kunning.
"Nope! In this kase, it's kopper soaked with Compound 1080! It formed an enamel upon it! I've tried it with several other heavy metals with the same result! It forms a shell that makes it indistinguishable from gold!" said Skholar.
"Wow! This could be the discovery of the century!" said Kunning.
"Mr. X also wants to ally with you. Kleever delivered a message. But it wasn't in Mr. X's handwriting," said Skholar.
"Mr. X can't write," said Kunning, "Or read for that matter."
"So that was Kleever's handwriting?" asked Skholar.
"Supposedly," said Kunning, "Combined with that information, I have a plan brewing."
...
"The Kommander approved the mission, Krook! He's all in! He's as bored as we are! There's an offensive planned for next week! All available kremlings are to be mobilized for the obliteration of the Kong strongholds in the Kongo Jungle! Additionally, an elite detachment will be deployed to annihilate the Manky Kongs that are holding the temple of Inka Dinka Doo!" said Kaboing.
"You did all of that without getting killed?!" said Krook, "I was konvinced that the Division Kommander would have your head for such blatancy!"
"He didn't! The general mobilization starts in fifteen minutes! Let's go!" said Kaboing.
...
DK and Kiddy woke up in a dungeon.
"This isn't good," said DK.
Kiddy eyed the bread and water in front and said, "We'll starve on bread!"
"Hello, you two," said Kunning, "I think you're wondering why Tiny betrayed you."
"I completely forgot about that! I was wondering why!" said Kiddy.
"I'll explain it to you," said Kunning.
...
"So Tiny is a double agent?" asked DK, "Spying for us on K.rool and against us?"
"Exactly," said Kunning, "She gave you up to K.rool to not lose her deep connections in the kremling government. She's now a triple agent. She's now spying for me as well. And she will not give any critical information up to K.rool anymore."
"Sounds like a good deal!" said Kiddy, "Why are we in here?"
"I can't just let you go," said Kunning, "That would raise the suspicions of K.rool."
"Then what?" asked DK.
"Tiny's supposed to break you out in a couple days," said Kunning.
"K.rool won't be surprised. He knew it would happen eventually. He actually allowed it. Because otherwise, the Kongs might get suspicious!"
"Tiny's been leading us around in circles for years," said DK.
"Indeed," said Kunning.
"Do we get more than bread and water?" asked Kiddy.
"Sure! What do you want?" asked Kunning.
"Strawberries! And celery!"exclaimed Kiddy.
"That's right! They have some nutrients that only you know about!" said Kunning.
"Some bananas would be nice," said DK.
"I can deliver on both!" said Kunning.
"Are we in the Haunted Caves or Kremkroc?" asked DK.
"Kremkroc, of course!" said Kunning, "Why would I get any control of how you're treated anywhere else?"
...
The offensive failed. Some supernatural lightning bolts decimated the Kremling Kommandos that raided the sacred temple. The Kongs sniped at the kremling regulars that were heading towards the Kongo Jungle. In the end, the force of 300 kremling kommandoes was gone, and half of the 800 kremling regulars were casualties. Operation Cape Claw had failed. Miserably. Meanwhile, K.rool had an offensive plan that he was building with his lead general. General Klump. Who is infamous for actively making things worse. Or at least in cartoons. The tactical genius Captain Scurvy had been passed over several times, and one of the best in the kremling army wasn't participating in the plans.
"I say that we send our whole army on the plateau in between the beach and the Misty Mountains," said General Klump.
"Doesn't that leave our flank and our supply lines open? And cede the high ground?" asked K.rool.
"You asked for the most efficient and direkt plan," said General Klump.
"Should we bring Kaptain Scurvy to help? I hear he's pretty smart at this stuff," said K.rool.
"Nah! He's a fool. Always has been," said General Klump.
"If you say so," said K.rool.
"So, as I was saying, you bring another force through the Misty Mountains," said General Klump.
"In the middle of winter?!" said K.rool.
"Of kourse! My troops kan handle harsh environments! The Kongs won't see it koming!" said General Klump, "They merge in the midst of the Kongo Jungle assailing it from opposite direktions! The Kongs will be held up by one force on one side of the Kongo Jungle. When they are all koncentrated on the side of the force that isn't going through the mountains, which will arrive quicker, the mountain force sweeps in from the other direction. Burning and pillaging all the way! It's foolproof!" said General Klump.
"This doesn't sound good," said K.rool.
"Didn't you say that the Southern Kremispheres has been mostly won! And that a force of five thousand kremlings is koming to support the kremlings that are already here," said General Klump, "That force of five thousand kan go through the mountains. The other two thousand that you're sending already kan go through the plains."
"You're sending soldiers that are koming from a tropikal place to an icy, desolate environment?!" said K.rool.
"A great idea, right?" said General Klump.
"No!" said K.rool.
"Either way, I have an idea for the operation name! Operation Snowhorn Wastes!" said K.rool.
"Is it just me, or are all of the operations that are going on these days named after lokales in Dinosaur Planet!" said K.rool.
"No, I koined that myself!" said General Klump.
by WesternTanager794
»
December 14th, 2022, 1:22 pm 
