DKC Atlas Forum

[teh epicnes]

Cranky Kong. He will give you the tartar sauce. Don't bring it to Funky Kong. Throw it in the lake. It should turn into a secret boss. That boss is....

[HavocReaper48]

...a sea serpent (how original). Lure it onto the grill nearby and cook it for Lent. Om nom nom on it's meat, and invite the whole family over. After, resume your carnivorous quest to cook Cranky Fish. Cook him at exactly 42 degrees for 3.14 minutes and then...

[Phyreburnz]

... It will turn into a pie (because, of course of the 3.14 minutes)! You're a bit weirded out... I mean... that Cranky/fish just turned into a pie! You suspect that it's another boss, but decide to eat the pie anyways. After eating said pie, you feel...

[HavocReaper48]

...full. Quite a nice pie, you think. However, the spirit of the pie escapes from your stomach and appears before you! And it's mad. Because it's a spirit, you cannot physically touch it. Call in the Ghostbusters! The Ghostbusters arrive and...

[Phyreburnz]

... use vacuum cleaners to take care of the pie spirit. Now that that's over, you wonder what will become of Cranky? I mean, was that really Cranky that you ate... doesn't that make it cannibalism or something? Oh well, on with the cheat. Since you've already eaten one Kong, you decide to eat another... Which one sounds the most tasty? Funky... Swanky... Candy... CANDY! You decide to eat Candy and see if she really is sweet tasting. You go to her save thing and politely ask if you can eat her. She tells you...

[HavocReaper48]

...that cannibalism is illegal now, and that she's not on the menu. Since when was cannibalism not allowed -- who made the law, you could of sworn DK Island had no concrete law system. Ask Candy where she heard this and she tells you that there was a court set up somewhere in Big Ape City. Climb up to Big Ape City (it's near KremKroc) and search the town. After searching and finding the court, you go up to the local judge and...

[Phyreburnz]

... ask him to make cannibalism legal again. He tells you that it isn't completely illegal, and that you can take Candy to court and have a trial and see if the judge and jury agree that you should be allowed to eat her. It's time for you to go to candyland and take Candy to court! After a 71 hour trial, the judge decides...

[HavocReaper48]

...that monkeys cannot be trialed. He questions how monkeys can even talk. Ugh, that was pointless. Doesn't matter now, at this point you're unusual eating urge has gone away. Leave Candy Kong alone for now, and go onwards in your quest to play as Donkey Kong. Send an email to Mircosoft demanding they give Nintendo Rare back. Mircosoft replies...

[Phyreburnz]

... With an overly sarcastic letter of how they plan to send Rare back. Wow... what douchebags... They even included how Chris and Tim Stamper will come back... Now you decide to write an angry letter to them saying how Rare sucks now anyways, and they can keep them! Microsoft doesn't take this well... they send you...

[HavocReaper48]

...a message that will self destruct in a few seconds! Uh oh, drop it and run! After the explosion you consider suing Microsoft, but then again the next time you went to court things didn't go as expected. In either case this doesn't help you get closer to Donkey Kong. You now need to try going directly to Rare's HQ. Approach the front door and enter. When you go in you see...

[FefeRawft]

...a big statue of Donkey Kong, secretly they've been missing him since they left Nintendo. At the bottom of the statue is a token to get Donkey Kong in DKC2 (you're finally going to get him!). You go home, but you can't find a place to insert the token on your SNES so you go online for help. You search DKC2 Token on Google and you see...

[Phyreburnz]

... yet another error screen. Call tech support and talk to some guy that barely speaks english for twelve hours. After this doesn't solve the problem, you decide to call the president of Antarctica... which just so happens to be a penguin... go figure... The penguin, to your surprise, speaks english very well. He tells you to...

[FefeRawft]

...that the key to unlocking DK lies within, and you must meditate underwater with the penguins for a few hours. You jump off the iceberg and drown underwater. You lose a balloon and restart at the first level because you just realized you never saved the game. But this was all part of the plan! The first level is renamed to...

[Phyreburnz]

... You're stupid for drowning, don't you know monkeys can't die underwater? The first level is now completely underwater. It is to train you to meat the penguins again. After training, go back to Antarctica. The penguin will now...

[HavocReaper48]

...unleash karate fury upon you! Underwater! Have an epic duel of the century against an experienced group of karate penguins of Antarctica while ensuring your own survival. Once you defeat them all, the king Penguin will dive towards you! Counter with...

[Phyreburnz]

... A penguin's worst enemy... heat! And it just so happens you have a tropical country in your pocket. After melting the entire continent of Antarctica, most of the world is flooded now. This means that everything will evolve quickly into sea life, including you... So you're now a sea monkey... how original. Your next destination is Atlantis. Find this by...

[HavocReaper48]

...swimming down that really dark area in Clam City you dare not to go down. Glimmer should come along help you navigate, and in no time you should see Atlantis. How convenient to have an underwater utopia near your home, you think, but now's no time for sightseeing. Head on over to the middle of Atlantis and pull the cork out of the hole and drain the water of the world back to normal (how original). Ok, now that you settled that, go over to the local police station and ask if the officers have seen DK around. They respond...

[Phyreburnz]

... "Je ne parle pas anglais" Oh noes! You've ended up in France! And the po po don't speak English! Well, I guess it's good that you've remembered your handy english-french dictionary and a book that tells you basic sentences! Okay, now you ask the police, "Avez-vous vu Donkey Kong?" The police respond, "Non, mais laissez-moi savoir si vous voyez Winky." I guess they really like frog legs... Well, that was useless. You decide to ask another question, "Savez-vous où Donkey Kong serait?" The police say, "Essayez l'Egypte. Aller à la crocodiles du Nil et de leur parler. Peut-être King K. Rool se cache là-bas avec Donkey Kong?" Good Idea! You go to Egypt and find the Nile River. Go up to a local crocodile and...

[HavocReaper48]

...ask for information. At first the locals think you're crazy, but imagine their surprise to hear the crocodile respond? It stands upright like a Kritter and is shocked to see you come all the way to Egypt just to find Donkey Kong. However he refuses to tell you unless you beat him in combat. Jump on its head once and ask again. He points to the pyramid in the distance with a mysterious crocodile-head on it. How did you miss that? Run to the pyramid and enter it. Inside the door closes and the room goes pitch black. You then...

[Phyreburnz]

... see a sparkle off in the distance... What is it? Could it be... no... wait... it's a banana fairy. WTF would a banana fairy be doing in a pitch black pyramid? You ask her, she says that one of the nice crocodiles told her there was candy in it. Wow. I didn't realize how stupid banana fairies were before this point. You decide to ignore her stupidity and use her glow to find a way out. Eventually, you come across...

[HavocReaper48]

...a fork in the path. There's a sign in between the ways. On the sign, it labels the two paths. The left way says "ESKAPE" in crudely written letters. The right says "DO NOT ENTER." You must debate now which way to tak-- ah screw it, go on to the right. The path goes downwards and it gets colder. Stupid cold-blooded reptiles, oh well, this is why you always bring a jacket. At the bottom...

[SimianSegue]

There is a big bunny with 102 eyes, and you must jump on each eye using a pogo-stick from your back pocket. When you have done this, you will realize that the bunny is dead, so you then must cook it with your nose heat, and eat it without skinning it. Then, you will see a shadow, lurking in the nethers of the floor. You go after it, and......

[Crammalamma]

...find out that it is Shadoo! After you defeat him, you will find a Jiggy. Now for some more hot swapping! This time, hot swap with Banjo-Tooie. Doing this will...

[Phyreburnz]

... Overload your systems! Oh noes! You hot swapped too much! Well, now you ebay a new snes and n64. You find a reasonable price and buy it. 6-8 weeks later, you get your new systems. There is a note attached to the snes: I know what you're trying to do, and you'll never see Donkey Kong again! It's signed by Kosmonaut K. Rool... I guess that K. Rool is a Russian Astronaut.... weird. There is also a blank cartridge with the systems. You're not sure if it's for snes or 64, so you try snes first. It appears to be the Lost Donkey Kong Country game! There are two new characters that are looking for Donkey. After playing through the game, the end has a message for you: To finish the game, put the cartridge into the 64. So you put the game into the 64, turn on the system, and...

[Crammalamma]

...you will have to complete Super Mario 64 as Donkey Kong, and then Banjo. Then, you will have to complete Donkey Kong 64 as Mario and Banjo. Finally, you will have to complete Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie as Mario and Donkey Kong. It will then tell you to put DKC2 back into your SNES for a surprise. This surprize is...

[SimianSegue]

The game's Busted! That creepy-ass error screen pops up, and you are like: "Oh SH*T! My favorite game!" so, you have to keep on blowing on it for hours and hours and hours(because you care that much )When the game finally works, and the real secret is......

[Phyreburnz]

... A digital piece of pie! Yay! Digital cherry! This is a pie-eating contest game with all of the Kongs. Pick your favorite Kong and favorite pie. There are 27 different pie eating contest levels. The last one, you are against none other than K. Rool. This is the most epic battle you've ever seen! It's absolutely spectacular! once you've defeated K. Rool in this most challenging pie-eating contest game...

[Crammalamma]

... you will be teleported to the Minecraft world. Create a shelter of wood planks, and rest in your bed. Once you wake up...

[Phyreburnz]

... you realize that you're still asleep! Paradox!!! It turns out that you're in a world where real life is sleeping and sleeping is real life... Just like that episode of Star Trek! (Yeah, that's right! I'm a Trekkie, too!:P) You need to fight to stay awake to defeat the bad guys.... the only problem is, you can't tell when you're asleep and when you're awake! To tell when you're asleep, you've trained yourself to see a floating goldfish (In other words, when you see the goldfish, you know you're asleep). Pretty much every where you look, you see that damn fish. To wake up, you decide to...

[HavocReaper48]

...blast "Stick Stickly" by Attack Attack!. That'll wake anyone up... or turn them deaf. After you're done rocking out, you think the area could use some improvements. Make some trees, plants, cave and a lake to get that classic Kongo Jungle feel. However, it turns out there's a secret at the end of the cave you made. Recreate Reptile Rumble and finish the level to find...

[Crammalamma]

... a large collection of ores! Coal, iron, gold, redstone, diamond, and lapis lazuli are all here. Mine them out, then mine a flint and 14 obsidian. Make a flint and steel, then create a 4*5 frame of obsidian, and light the inside on fire. This will create a portal to the Nether. Stand inside the portal for a few seconds, then you will be teleported there. In the Nether, you will find...

[Phyreburnz]

... A giant viking. Hey! It's Olaf from the Lost Vikings games! You look around some more and see Eric and Baleog, too! Ask them if they've seen Donkey Kong. They say they remember seeing a gorilla in the second game, but he didn't wear a tie... so it wasn't Donkey. They said that gorilla might know some more information, though. You decide to go to the jungle levels in the Lost Vikings 2 game. Look around, and soon you see a big gorilla. For some reason, you decide to speak with bad grammar and a gangsta voice: "Yo, gorilla man! Where Donkey Kong at?!" The gorilla replies with a British accent, "Sorry, ol' chap. I don't like speaking with un-dignified monkeys that use bad grammar." You decide to...

[teh epicnes]

play the only released copy of Sonic Generations, which you got for getting this far in the cheat. Even though it's the PS3 version, put it in the xbox. Both Classic and modern Sonic will jump out of the TV and you will have to fight them. You remember the pwnhammer you got from my castle. Take it out and....

[Phyreburnz]

...Sonic will begin to cry and shake with fear. You ask him, "Tell me, where is Donkey Kong, and I won't pwnhammer the crap out of you." Sonic, in a wimpering voice says, "I....I... I haven't..... s-s-s-seen him.... p-p-p-please.... don't k-k-kill me!" You suspect that his cowardice is just an act, so you decide to pwnhammer the crap out of him, anyway. After there are little bits of hedgehog everywhere, you decide to make some hedgehog pie. Mail the pie to Rareware HQ. Rare will send you a note saying to stop sending them things... So you decide to mail more stuff to them until they tell you the secret to unlocking DK in DKC2. Eventually, they send you...

[HavocReaper48]

...a restraining order. Dang. Time to get crafty. Move to a different country and make an alias for yourself. Now try politely asking, "Can you give me the code to unlock Donkey Kong in DKC2?" They reply, "Why are you playing a game that's fifteen years old? There's a new one you know." Now you're frustrated, and reply "Just give me the code and I'll answer your question!" Now Rare...

[Phyreburnz]

... Gives you yet another restraining order. You think it's kinda funny, so you decide to keep changing your identity and get 101 restraining orders from Rareware. As you're busy creating fake people, you relize that there is something odd about the restraining orders, so you turn it over, and it looks like a picture. You post it on your wall, along with the others in order of which you recieved them. 99 restraining orders later, you have a picture of a map. And there's an "X" on it, too! Go to the "X" in real life to find...

[HavocReaper48]

...a giant red "X" just like on the map. Guess this is the spot. Start digging through, and after about 15 minutes, you come across an ancient Kremling mine. Hop onto a minecart for the fiercest mine cart level ever. Mostly because everything is crumbling before you. After an elaborate but difficult series of rails, you come across the exit to the mine which leads to a cave containing...

[Phyreburnz]

... A shitton of TNT! Yay, explosives! Take said TNT to the moon. Carve a giant face on the moon that looks like Donkey Kong. Hopefully that will make somebody tell you where he is! After several months of TNT carving, giant GIANT DK is finished. Soon after completion, somebody phones you. They say...

[HavocReaper48]

...the moon filed a lawsuit against you. Who would of guessed? Back to court. You're charged for "Carving the Moon into a monkey's face." Get Cranky Kong to vouch for your innocence. "Kids these days wouldn't do stuff THIS daring! Why, back in my day, incidents like these were regular things, children always vandalizing things, but nowadays they're all wussies! Heck, I would...."

*ten minutes later*

Thanks to Cranky's speech, everyone's asleep. Now that everyone's taking a nap...

[Phyreburnz]

... You try to sneek out of the courtroom. You have not mastered your sneeking ability and end up waking everybody up. Nice going. Now everybody is angry at you. In the end, you must serve two million hours of community service. Ouch. Lucky enough, that's just how much longer it will take to unlock DK in DKC2! And it just so happens that counts as community service for some reason So it's like none of it ever happened. Yay! To continue on, you decide to head to South America and ask an anaconda where DK is. The local anaconda says...

[HavocReaper48]

..."I'll give you the anssswerrssssss you requessssst, if you give me some eggsssss for dinner. I'm sssssstarved." Run over to the Krow's Nest of the Gangplank Galleon, and grab some eggs. However, when you pick some up Krow's ghost reappears yet again for a rematch! "Don't you know? Ghosts don't die!" Panic and run to the nearest phone, and, Who You Gonna Call? Ghostbusters of course! But, what's their number...? Go to a phonebook and look them up. After dialing the number...

[Phyreburnz]

... You are on hold for the next few hours. Apparently, the Ghostbusters are in high demand. After reaching them and telling them your life story and how you ended up fighting a dead crow ghost... They rush over and defeat Dead, Dead Krow. Unfortunately for you, the eggs are also ghosts of ghosts, so the anaconda will see no use in them, but you decide to pocket them for later. So, where are you going to find eggs, now? Well, I guess to the bee hive. Hey, the anaconda never specified a particular species of egg... so... you go to the hive and pick up some bee eggs and honey. While you're at it, go to DKL and bring back a flying pig for some bacon. Go to Banjo Kazooie and get an orange from Konga. Eggs, honey, bacon, orange juice.... TOAST! Go get some toast and go to the anaconda and make an awesome, balanced breakfast. After eating, the anaconda tells you...

[HavocReaper48]

..."That was delicioussssss. Asssss for your monkey friend, there'ssssss a tribe of Orangatangssssss down there, perhapssssss he'ssss with them?" You go down a path and after a while you come across a group of orangatangs, Lanky amongst them. Greet Lanky and ask him if he's seen DK. Lanky replies, "I'll tell you only if you include me in your next game!" However, Retro Studios has made no announcements about DKCR2 (Despite the game selling like crack and getting super high ratings ), so now....

[Phyreburnz]

... You decide to make Lanky even more ugly by beating him up... because he's annoying. Well, looks like he'll never appear in another game again... You see the rest of the orangutans; they look shocked, but they start to laugh, because they hated Lanky too! They tell you because of your honorable deed, they will help you by giving you a character to replace Lanky in DK 64. This one just looks like a normal orangutang, but hey, anything's better than Lanky! (Sorry, Lanky fans!) Because of this new character, you decide to play through DK 64 again, just to see if anything is different (or perhaps find a secret!). You play through and find...

[KremKrawl]

Out that King K. Rool cloned himself two times and made them Kaptain K. Rool and Baron K. Roolenstein! You can only defeat them with...

[Phyreburnz]

... That bazooka your mum told you to bring along just in case. Take out said bazooka and go to fire at the K. Rools. Uh oh! Out of ammo! Your mum forgot to pack your bazooka ammo! So now you look around for something that you can fire out of the bazooka. You see...

[HavocReaper48]

...a few large rocks, coconuts, watermelons, etc. This clearly won't suffice to take down two bosses. Go to the ESRB rating on your DK64 cartridge and change it from "E" to "T". Now that you can get away with more explosive weaponry, blast a hole through their fortress, destroying the door and lock. You meet a mini boss awaiting you...

[Phyreburnz]

... This mini boss is a mini marshmallow. Like the ones you find in your hot chocolate. You laugh at the marshmallow, because it is tiny! Then the marshmallow kicks the ever-loving hot chocolate out of you. This appears to be the most difficult boss... and no matter how hard you hit him or how many times you hit him, the marshmallow appears unharmed. Look around for a pointy stick and a fire... maybe you can roast him until he's a delicious golden brown and then he'll tell you where DK is. Run to web woods and grab a stick off the ground. The lil' marshmallow guy is following you, how cute :3 Run until you get to chain link chamber and poke the marshmallow with the stick and roast his nubs over the fire in the kremling's mouth. High-pitched screams fill the castle (good thing you changed it from E to T!), eventually words come out of his tiny mouth; he says....

[Crammalamma]

"Stop! I can't take it easy!" Hmmm... it said "take it easy", do you suppose this marshmallow is part of a Lily White-type Yukkuri? It then hops away, leaving a trail of marshmallow on the ground. The trail leads to Gensokyo, which you get to by taking Funky's gyrocopter. Before tracking down the Yukkuri, you have to fight...

[HavocReaper48]

...Sheng Long! Boot up Street Fighter II and play as Ryu. Play through the entire game perfectly without getting hit once and make it to M. Bison. When you reach Bison do not allow him to hit you once and you don't touch him for ten rounds straight. That's when you'll get to Sheng Long. Be warned he has access to every fighting game move. And can repeat dizzy you into the next life. Once you conquer Sheng Long, you will have proven worthy enough to fight Yukkuri. You've proven yourself so much that Yukk comes right to you anxious for battle. Well, that was easy. Now you face of with Yukkuri. You must...